item sold but i could not be home when buyer needed to collect soa refund was given to buyer, but i have still been charged a sellers fee
You need to send them this:
http://pages.ebay.co.uk/help/sell/cancel-transaction-process.html
If they agree, you get your fees back, if they don't, you won't.
You should have made more effort to complete the sale, 'cos your buyer is free to report you for non perfomance, and leave neg FB.